Goodbye Nancy: Pelosi’s Greatest hits

Nancy Pelosi will no longer be Speaker of the House come January and here at FreePressFail, we will really miss her and all the really important things she has accomplished in her tenure. 

Here are the highlights from the past few years: 

1. She made major strides in immigration reform…oh no what she changed House rules to get rid of “gendered” titles 

2. When she took measures to shore up the American energy supply…oh sorry no she just ran away from reporters who dared ask her about her husbands insider trading 

3. She inspired the nation to rally together….oh no she just rambled incoherently about gender justice 

4. She lead the Congress on thoughtful, well vetted spending initiatives…oh wait instead she snuck $400 million dollars to tracking everyone who is and is not vaccinated 

5. When she stood in solidarity backing her own policies of quarantine and shut down….oh actually no she broke all her own rules and was above the people at all times

6. When she understood her role and never tried to circumvent the will of the people…oh except when she tried to make it so only the House had to approve debt limit increases 

7. When she worked tirelessly to reach across the aisle on issues with plenty of bipartisan support like thoughtful immigration reform…oh no actually she spent two years unsuccessfully impeaching President Trump for “not being nice to Congress” 

8. When she made brave changes to criminal justice…oh shoot actually she just threw literally billions of dollars at fed boots while knocking our local policemen 

9. She honored American values and attempted to elevate the discourse within her halls…oh sorry no she tore down a bunch of statues for being mean.

10. She took a hard look at issues with election integrity and voter confidence in America…ack actually she formed a one-sided committee with a crack team including Liz Cheney 

11. Despite Republican push back, her January 6 Committee was taken very seriously and the American people respected its work…nope sorry actually it became part of the Morbius movement 

Yes. Nancy Pelosi truly was an inspirational leader with many many accomplishments who used her time very wisely. She will be truly missed.