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POLL: Is Santa Claus A Bleeding Heart Liberal Or A Right Wing Patriot?
The leftist army has been waging the war on Christmas for decades but they’ve never named their true leader.
It would seem more than fit that Santa Claus would lead any Christmas-oriented army, but his political ideology would certainly decide which side he landed on.
Without an official statement from the man with the bag, we can only make assumptions based on his actions and reputation. Gotta admit I’m still pretty torn here.
| SIGNS SANTA IS LEFT-WING: | SIGNS SANTA IS RIGHT-WING: |
| -Body positive. His bowl full-of-jelly belly has him earning the affection of leftist bloggers everywhere. #healthyatanysize -Only works one day a year! -Seems cool with breaking into houses, which liberal cities are also pretty ok with now. -Drives an alternative energy vehicle. (Note to self: Check carbon emissions standards of reindeer fleet.) -The media basically loves him which is a huge red flag. They only like liberals. -Watches children as they sleep. Stone cold pedo behavior. -Expects something in return (milk and cookies) just for showing up which gives BIG leftie energy. -Kind of co-opted a religious holiday and made it all about him. -Keeps a list of “bad” people like every fascist dictator and member of the Jan 6th committee. -Gives coal to bad kids, so it’s possible he is anti-American energy and doesn’t realize COAL IS A GIFT! | -Monogamous cis male. As far as we know, Santa has been a 1-woman man for centuries which makes him pretty trad. -Literally a saint. We don’t call him by his real name very often but old SAINT Nick is a religious figure and most religious figures aren’t woke SJWs. -Wears the signature color red like a GOP icon. -Loves working with animals who work. (Santa has reindeer, and republicans have horses and hunting dogs.) -Plus he drinks milk so he’s not vegan. -And he wears a real fur collar. PETA WOULD NOT APPROVE -Tim Allen plays him in a biopic and Tim is conservative AF. -Free speech guy. Always saying “ho.” -A beacon of private-sector giving. He could’ve argued that the government gives children gifts every Christmas Eve, but no, he does it himself. |
WHAT WE DON’T KNOW: Santa’s labor policies
Is Santa’s shop a small business that supports lots of family-sustaining jobs for elves? Or is he running a commie sweatshop where everyone is guaranteed a job and the same income regardless of how hard they work? Is it slave labor? This could be a defining subject.
I don’t know what to think of Santa or which box we can put him in this holiday season but I am confident that no matter what, it will be beautifully wrapped.
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