Choose Your Adventure: National Divorce, National Open Marriage, Or National Cucking

There has been a lot of chatter around the concept of a “national divorce” following comments and a conceptual outline presented by Marjorie Taylor Greene. There have been thoughtful proponents and opponents on both sides but the left and the political elite have been having a hair pulling meltdown over the idea. If America is getting a divorce, the left and elite must be the teenage children who are about to spend their summer at Grandmas or camp.

But when things go south in a marriage, divorce isn’t the only option! There are a lot of solutions to heal a broken relationship. Here are some options for the United States. 

Go full National Divorce 

Sometimes irreconcilable differences are just that. The endless fighting, the gaslighting, the cheating, and the fights about money are just all too much. It’s time to tearfully sign the papers and respectfully co-parent our sports teams. 

What would this mean? Traditionally blue and Traditionally red states would conference and redraw lines and create new national boundaries. Red and blue leaning Americans would likely relocate to the nations which they more ideologically align with the new government. We would all be cordial to each other at Thanksgiving. 

Maybe we try a National Open Marriage 

Apparently swinging is a more common thing than one might think. Sometimes when things are getting stale, you gotta just shake it up a little. 

What (tf) does that even mean? So maybe everyone stays unified but we give each other a little leeway. Maybe we still love each other, but we have unmet needs. Maybe Florida and Texas can get freaky and refuse federal climate regulations. Maybe California can put on a furry costume and kill every baby born under a Gemini moon. As long as we lay out a clear understanding and never make eye contact outside of the marriage bed, who is being hurt? 

Maybe we just need a National Cucking

Maybe the real problem is that Daddy Government is a little too controlling and Mamma nation needs to put him in his place.  Maybe the balance of power needs to shift in order to preserve a functional marriage dynamic. 

Seriously what on earth does this mean? The federal government would relinquish a lot of authority and hand it back to the states. We would eliminate federal law enforcement like the FBI and relinquish that role back to elected leaders (Sheriffs) in each community. Each state, red and blue, would govern themselves with autonomy and we would join forces for essentially national defense and interstate commerce. Daddy would still have his woman but she’d be working outside the home, ya know?

We can also just pretend everything is fine and keep going 

A classic move, we can also choose to just keep fighting and trying to kill each other until we are finally relieved from our commitment in death. 

Which adventure do you choose?