BREAKING: A Lot Of Celebs Will Miss Their Dear Friend Harvey Weinstein 

Harvey Weinstein was sentenced to 16 years in prison for his rape of an sealed indivdual (known only as Jane Doe 1) in Los Angeles. This is on top of the 24 years he is already serving for his rape convictions in New York. He will complete his 16 years on the West Coast after he completes the 24 years he is currently serving. It is likely that the 71 year old Weinstein will spend the rest of his life in jail. 

And wow, what a tragedy for so many people. I mean – this man has a lot of friends. Despite the very vocal and prominent “times up” and “me too” movement which swept Hollywood very conveniently after someone finally took Weinstein to court, it seems like he’ll be leaving a long wake of besties behind him. 

Here are the list of the people you really need to keep in your heart and prayers who are missing their bestie boy Harvey so much right now: 

The FLOTUS with the mostus, Michelle Obama 

In 2013, long after several women had not only accused Weinstein, but received settlements in publicly available court documents. By 2013, over a dozen women had already accused Weinstein including credible A-list actors of their time like Mira Sorvino and Ashley Judd. Weinstein’s own longtime assistant wrote of his criminal transgressions in her 2010 memoir. 

So needless to say, Michelle Obama knew all about Harvey but she’s a good friend! So she forgave and forgot! He was awfully generous after all. 

America’s leading lady most likely to pretend she eats cheeseburgers, Jennifer Lawrence

Jenny and Harvey have been long time best buddies. In 2013, when like Michelle Obama Jennifer had access to dozens of accounts of assault by Weinstein, she repeatedly praised him as the reason her career took off and even joked that he was the reason she got her Oscar (a joke that is funny because true). At the 2013 Glaad Awards, she and her best pal Harvey were actually presenting an award to Bill Clinton of all people which is perhaps the purest and sweetest form of truth in their character.

After the accusations started to get some attention, and definitely at no point before, Lawrence repeatedly assured the public that Weinstein was nothing but nice to her. She would say she stood by the victims but really always felt the need to insist he’d been great to her. That is what friends do! That is what they are for! It wasn’t until a Jane Doe alleged that Harvey often bragged that he’d slept with Jennifer Lawrence when she was 20 years old (prior to her Oscar) that she became more vehement in her distancing of herself to the man. 

But the heart wants what it wants! Their bond is forever. 

The woman who basically invented ugly crying, Meryl Streep 

Like Jennifer, Meryl makes a lot of effort to be clear that Harvey never once did anything inappropriate with her. She spent a lot of time insisting that she and many other powerful women in Hollywood had no idea he was up to no good despite fairly irrefutable evidence and mountains of testimony that this was not the case and that everyone in Hollywood was very well aware of his behavior. It wasn’t until her character came into question and the “she knew” movement cropped up around the trite “times up” movement that Meryl really punched at Harvey whatsoever. But I’m sure he understood. 

She is such a good friend, she just wants the world to know that maybe he did some stuff to lesser actors but never to her. But it’s okay she can visit him in prison!

Bill’s wifey and chief, Hillary Clinton 

It’s on the public record that Harvey Weinstein was a mega donor to both Bill and Hillary Clinton which is so kind and generous, of course they developed a friendship! Hillary and Bill were both totally mum and when Hillary finally made comments of substance she, of course, denied any personal responsibility for her association with Harvey. Of course, as the late Anthony Bourdain pointed out, it’s quite unlikely that Clinton had no knowledge of Harvey’s behavior. Especially considering her own husband and their friend Jeffrey Epstein. 

The thing with friends is: birds of a feather. Hillary and Harvey had so much in common! They simply loved the subjugation of women with less power than they. It’s like when two puzzlers find each other and start spending their Saturdays at Escape Rooms. Some might find that horrifying but every sex assault pot has a lid you know? 

The purest champion of progressive truth and morality, Matt Damon 

Damon is probably Harvey Weinstein’s best friend based on how vehemently he defended the man. In 2004, a journalist for the wrap was writing an article on allegations of Weinstein’s misconduct (another piece of evidence that everyone knew for a very long time) and she alleges that Matt Damon personally called her to kill the story. She says that he said there was no credibility in the accusations whatsoever and the journalist should drop the story. WOW now THAT is friendship. 

Damon does not deny this conversation though he claims he was defending someone else, not Harvey Weinstein but does confirm he made the call at the behest of Weinstein. That is pure friendship. Our thoughts and prayers should be with Matt in this difficult time. Nothing like your best bro being behind bars.

Prayers up for these poor bebes! A good friend is hard time find.