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BREAKING: 9 Reasons To Celebrate The Demise Of BuzzFeed
BuzzFeed, the liberal media giant, has announced that it’s pulling the plug on BuzzFeed News. CEO Jonah Peretti sent a memo to the staff on Thursday admitting that the company simply can’t turn a profit. They’re laying off 15% of their employees, including about 180 “reporters” from BuzzFeed News and other divisions.
Right now, they’re just shutting down the “news” division (that they apparently had?) but we know this is a big sign that Buzzfeed probably won’t survive this Biden economy much longer. Don’t worry, though! It’s not alllllll bad news. Here are 9 reasons to celebrate the demise.
If Buzzfeed goes away forever, that would mean…
- No more sponsored lists of crappy untested products for us to buy.
I’m gonna save so much money!
- No more comment sections sucking away all hope for society.
Seriously, I think Buzzfeed invented the rise of the Karen.
- With BuzzFeed News gone, we won’t have to worry about accidentally stumbling upon any more false Russian Dossiers.
Phew, what a relief!
- Everyone will have a chance to explore sassy commentary that doesn’t suck!
Maybe more viewers will learn about the amazing insight at FreePressFail.com
- The end Harry Potter sorting hats quizzes that insist you’re a Gryffindor when EVERYONE KNOWS YOU ARE ACTUALLY A SLYTHERIN.
- We can stop wasting hours of our live on quizzes like “Which Kardashian Are You?” or “What Kind of Pizza Are You?” and finally get back to the essential things in life, like binge-watching our favorite TV shows and ordering too much takeout.
- Random god-fearing influencers can breathe easy knowing Buzzfeed won’t be there to try and cancel them for tweeting something hilarious when they were like 13.
- No more next-day coverage of popular season finales absolutely rife with spoilers.
YOU WAIT AT LEAST A WEEK FOR SPOILER CONTENT DAMMIT BUZZFEED!
- We’ll finally be able to focus on our work and be productive members of society.
Probably not, but maybe?
