Are the Paris Olympics going to be crappy? 

I see Paris, I see France, I see Frenchies pulling down their pants. Parisians have taken to pooping in protest of their government’s handling of the 2024 Olympics.

On July 26 the 2024 Summer Olympics will kick off in Paris, France. Like all Olympic hosts, Paris as the host city has been responsible for constructing or finding already usable spaces for the many varied Olympic events which range from cross-country bike riding to horse dancing to skateboarding. The Parisians have had several issues in preparing their storied city for the massive event which will see over 15,000 athletes and 15 million tourists. For one, they are unable to provide air conditioning to the athletes competing in the dead of summer. French officials claim this was an intentional move to combat climate change, but they do not seem worried about all the carbon emissions resulting from the extreme amount of travel and traffic necessary to host an Olympic game. More likely, France’s infrastructure is simply incapable of cooling at that level. Not to worry though because Team USA will be bringing their own portable air conditioning units as will all of the highly competitive countries like Australia and Japan. 

But the biggest issue Paris officials have had is the Seine. The opening ceremony will prominently feature the famous river running through the city by having all the countries present their athletes in a parade of boats. The Seine is supposed to play host to three different swimming events (triathlon, marathon and para-triathlon) but as of now is still too dirty to host anyone. 

Despite a $1.5 billion tax on Parisians to clean up the water which is teeming with sewage, the river remains unsafe for humans to swim in. While Paris has a sewage system, like most cities industrialized in the early 19th century those systems often become overrun during rainy weather forcing all pollutants and sewage into the Seina through runoff. Since booking the Olympics, Paris has used that $1.5 billion to divert runoff into a new underground system. 

Unfortunately, despite the spending and best efforts the water is still testing with high levels of E. Coli and fecal matter. The levels tested the week of June 10 *(about a month out from the games) were twice as high as what is allowed by the Olympic committee for human swimming. The situation is such that if conditions do not improve, the Olympics will have to cancel the swimming events intended for the Seine. 

Parisians aren’t having it with their governments failures. Recent polling showed that 44% of Parisians oppose the Olympics in their city all together. In regard to the Seine, the people of Paris came up with a pretty unique way to express their discontent on the price tag of the failed Seine cleanup plan: they are going to poop in the river.

The protest trended on social media with the #JeChieDansLaSeineLe23Juin (I’ll poo in the Seine on June 23) after Parisian Mayor Anne Hidalgo (who many citizens blame for the issues regarding the Olympics) promised to swim in the river on that day to prove it was safe for humans. She has since canceled her swim citing the need to focus on upcoming elections and with her cancellation so too was the poop protest. The Parisian poopers don’t want to waste their waste. They say they’ll wait for the mayor to reschedule her dip.