TRUMP’S GOLD RUSH! Is Fort Knox Hiding a $750 Billion Secret?

In a move so bold it practically glitters, President Trump is taking matters into his own (golden) hands, personally verifying that America’s treasure trove at Fort Knox is still locked, stocked, and gleaming. Because when it comes to protecting America’s wealth, Trump isn’t about to take anyone’s word for it—he’s making sure our gold hasn’t mysteriously “disappeared” like a Clinton email.

And he’s not going alone! Enter Elon Musk, the Twitter king himself, heading up the brand-new Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). Musk, ever the skeptic, has been stirring the pot on social media, asking the million (or should we say billion?) dollar question: “Who’s actually confirming that Fort Knox isn’t just a giant empty vault?” Good question, Elon!

Of course, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent insists everything is totally fine, claiming, “We do an audit every year. All the gold is present and accounted for.” But Trump isn’t about to take their word for it—he’s rolling up in person to count those bars himself.

And here’s the real kicker: our gold reserves are currently being valued at a laughably outdated $42.22 per ounce. That’s right—forty-two bucks. Meanwhile, real-world gold prices are soaring toward $3,000 per ounce. If Trump greenlights a revaluation, that could mean a $750 billion boost to the Treasury. Imagine the meltdown at MSNBC.

Bottom line? Trump’s on a mission to make sure America’s wealth is safe, secure, and accurately accounted for. And if he finds out someone’s been playing fast and loose with our gold? Well, let’s just say, heads will roll faster than a Biden approval rating.