BREAKING: Top 5 Things To Expect At Tonight’s Republican Debate

Buckle up because it’s that time again – the Republican Party’s first presidential primary debate is upon us! Get ready for a night of political theatrics, grandstanding, and oh-so-entertaining shenanigans. But before you grab your popcorn, let’s break down the five things you can expect at the debate that’s sure to have more drama than a reality TV show:

1. A Crowded Circus: With a staggering 14 candidates in the mix, this primary race has more contenders than a talent show audition. Some of them have used wild gimmicks to secure their spot on stage, while others are banking on charisma alone. Can you believe it? It’s like a game of political musical chairs, and we’re here for every awkward step.
2. A MISSING STAR: No Trump!: So, the former President himself has decided to skip the party and chat with Tucker Carlson instead. Who can blame him? After all, it’s hard to be the star of the show when you’re surrounded by a bunch of wannabes. But fear not, his absence won’t stop the other candidates from bickering over who’s the most “Trumpian” of them all.
3. Fox News: Still Not Over It: Fox News, the self-proclaimed fair and balanced network, is hosting the event. But let’s not forget, they’ve been giving Trump the cold shoulder for the past few years. Get ready for some not-so-subtle shade from the moderators, Bret Baier and Martha MacCallum. Fair and balanced? Yeah, right.
4. Soap Opera Drama: The topics up for discussion? We can probably expect the typical daytime soap opera fare: Ukraine, Trump indictments, the culture war, Biden’s mental health, and Roe v. Wade.
5. The Lost Cause Brigade: With Trump leading the pack from the sidelines, it’s open season for the other candidates to explain why they’re all losing to him. Don’t be surprised if they spend more time talking about how they’d beat Trump in an alternate universe than actually addressing the issues at hand. Who needs reality when you’ve got political fantasy?

As the GOP primary race kicks off, get ready for a spectacle that’s sure to have you scratching your head, laughing, and maybe even rolling your eyes a time or two. Whether it’s the crowded stage, the Trump-sized hole, or the Fox News theatricals, tonight’s debate is primed to be a gem of comedic political gold. You can tune in from 9 to 11 pm ET but if you’re anything like me, you’ll be watching Tucker and Trump instead!