5 Things We Can Look Forward to in Trump’s Next Term

Buckle up, MAGA babes. President Trump is coming back to the White House, and it’s going to be YUGE. Forget politics as usual—this is going to be the GREATEST era in U.S. history. Here are the TOP 5 things I’m looking forward to in Trump’s new term.

The Great Media Meltdown, Part 2

If you thought the liberal media’s 2016 tantrum was over-the-top, buckle up—2025 is about to make those meltdowns look downright dignified. The View is already in full-blown hysteria mode. Every morning, Joy and Sunny sip their lattes and declare democracy dead—again. And this is just the warm-up.

Meanwhile, I’m bracing for a dramatic reinvention of Kamala Harris on liberal cable news. Picture this: Kamala slurring her way through commentary, delivering word salads longer than the Cheesecake Factory menu. “The thing about… umm, democracy is, it’s a thing! And it’s democracy! And, uh, we need to democratically do the thing about the democracy thing!”

Pass the popcorn, because this is going to be a show.

Uncensored Social Media!

Elon Musk’s X (formerly Twitter—I’m still not over it) has already broken free from the chains of woke moderation. It’s now the place for unfiltered expression. With Trump back in the White House, expect daily truth bombs and memes so potent they might actually break the internet.

Mark Zuckerberg is on board with the new era too. This week, he announced that Facebook and Instagram are ditching their third-party fact-checkers. That’s right, no more random warnings about “context” on your Trump memes. Zuck admitted the old system too often led to “censorship,” proving once and for all that the Trump era isn’t just a presidency—it’s a movement. Musk and Zuck ushering in a censorship-free social media era? Somewhere, the First Amendment is smiling.

Gas Prices Back to Normal

Remember when filling your tank didn’t feel like paying college tuition? Under Trump, America wasn’t just energy independent—we were exporting oil like the entrepreneurial legends we are.

Then Biden came along with his half-baked green energy plans, and suddenly electric scooters became a “legitimate” transportation option. (Spoiler alert: They’re not. Could you stop trying to make them cool, DC?) But don’t worry—Trump’s back, baby. Drilling, pipelines, and cheap gas are making a comeback.

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OPEC? Shaking in their boots. Your wallet? Breathing a sigh of relief.

The Border: Now with Extra Wall

The border wall was one of Trump’s greatest hits, and you better believe “The Wall 2.0” is going to be bigger, better, and bolder. We’re talking upgrades! Creepy cool drones, state-of-the-art motion sensors, and maybe even a Wi-Fi hotspot (so the cartels can livestream their tears).

And while Trump hasn’t suggested this (yet), I say we consider adding a moat. Picture it: an alligator-filled trench stretching as far as the eye can see, striking fear into anyone thinking about cutting in line. Bonus points if Trump names the gators something patriotic like Liberty, Justice, and—dare I say—Corinne Clark Barron.

America First, Always

Under Trump, “America First” isn’t just a slogan—it’s a lifestyle. Trade deals will finally make sense (adiós, one-sided giveaways), manufacturing jobs will come roaring back, and U.S. farmers might just get treated better than, you know, China. We’re about to get a master class in putting our interests first—because, unfamiliar shocker, that’s what a president is supposed to do.

I’m also hoping Trump introduces his world-famous nicknaming into our diplomacy efforts. Global leaders will once again live in fear of getting publicly roasted while pretending they’re not sweating. Don’t be surprised if the U.N. starts handing out complimentary tissues for hurt feelings.

While the rest of the world plays checkers, Trump’s over here playing 4D chess with gold-plated pieces—and America’s the one collecting the prize money.

Grab your MAGA hat for the best encore performance in history!