Could This Be true? The Conspiracy Theory That Birds Aren’t Real

Could this be true? Is a series that looks at how conspiracy theories could plausibly (even loosely) be true. Liberals will hate this series because they’re soulless no-funs without an ounce of a sense of humor or pallet for tongue and cheek. That’s how we know it’ll be great!

This is the second installment in our series and we will explore how the conspiracy theory that “birds aren’t real” could be at least true in-part. The first installment we tackled how Katy Perry could be Jon Benet Ramsey. Take a look here.

So let’s explore, birds aren’t real but are instead government-created spying technology:

The theory is that birds were replaced by the U.S. government in the 1960s and now are all bird drones that recharge on the power lines, poop on cars as a tracking system, and spy on the American people. 

This particular theory is said to be satirical and created in an effort to mock other wild conspiracy theories and thought the mainstream media credits the theory to one particular individual, Peter McIndoe, who in 2021, under pressure, he claimed he never believed it and he meant it to mock supporters of President Trump and their conspiracy theories. 

McIndoe famously puked on live TV during an interview about Birds Aren’t Real which created its own conspiracy about whether or not it was a prank or he genuinely puked during an interview.

Regardless of whether or not the conspiracy theory is real or a joke, we are going to explore its plausibility because I also don’t know if I am real or a joke. 

To start – let’s open the book to works of fiction with similar storylines

In the popular novel series and films, The Hunger Games, the Mockingjay is a critical symbol of the story and to the revolution which takes place in the course of the story. In the story, the government created a bird which could spy on their citizens and mimic their voices to the extent they could report back to the government. The birds were unsuccessful and mated with natural songbirds creating a Mockingjay which can only mimic the sounds of human song.

But the notion of the Jabberjay, the original government creation per the story, is not dissimilar to the theory which alleges that the “birds” of the skies are actually spying on citizens. It is significant that this storyline exists in fiction because often fiction is directly pulled from what exists in reality or what is possible. With this invention and the conspiracy theory, it stands to reason that this idea has crossed the mind of more than a satirist and a writer. 

For example, the novel 1984 talked about how words would one day be banned and those bans would be controlled by the media (Newspeak). It also predicted endless war, and the notion that most “regular” people could be easily controlled if they had TV, food and alcohol which we saw come to fruition with about half the U.S. population during COVID shut downs. 

The point is where fiction predicts outcomes there is some reality to those outcomes. Including, possibly, a drone version of the Jabberjay. 

Now let’s look at what is possible with drone technology: 

A drone called the “SmartBird” created by a company called Festo has been in operation in the public eye since at least 2011. Their model allows for the drone to operate exactly like a bird with self propelled take off and inflight motion. Their model is larger, looking like a large seagull. 

While this model might be too easy for a bystander to spot, typically when it comes to potentially wartime technology, the military and deep state are well ahead. 

For example, while the government’s official position is that they didn’t use drone technology until 2001, we know that the government has had the technology since the Cold War. There are a lot of citations for this so here is the wikipedia page with the citations in the footnotes. Notably, a ton of these early drones were named after birds. There were drones named: Quail, Snipe, and Blackbird. 

In the 1990’s began the public discussion of the use for miniature drones. The Defense Advanced Research Agency (DARPA) conducted workshops in 1995 and 1996 to test the ability for miniature drones to operate fairly autonomously. This workshop was publicly known and in partnership with the RAND corporation meaning that feasibly DARPA had access to the technology for far longer than the 1990s. 

The smallest drone today can fit in the palm of a human hand with limited functionality. The drone can fly, change directions and change speeds. So imagine if that drone was the size of a bird, much larger than a quarter, the functionality would be far higher. 

We know that drones have had the capability of cameras since before the 1980s when that technology was commercialized primarily for filmmaking. And while the official line is that the government did not have or use mini drones until the 1990s, I find that hard to swallow considering that RC manufactured a toy drone in the 1960s which was only the size of a small child. 

So while technically speaking we can’t prove the government had minidrone technology with camera capabilities in the 1960s, we certainly can look at the evidence and conclude its highly plausible and as time progressed even very possible to have made the drones birdlike and autonomous. 

Finally, let’s examine birds themselves 

Right off the bat, we know not ALL birds are drones because some get shot by hunters, killed by cats, fly into windows etc and those all turn out to be biological. But could some of the birds in the sky be replicants? How easy would it be to tell one from another? 

Based on the current bird drones on the market, it would be quite difficult especially with larger birds. 

Crows and pigeons in particular make interesting case studies for the “birds aren’t real” theory. Crows are an odd species. Similar to a Raven but non-migratory meaning they live in one place all the time whereas the Raven is transient moving for the seasons as most birds of that size tend to do. Crows are known for their unusual intelligence. It is said that they can remember human faces and that they hold grudges meaning they come back to the same place often. Almost as if they were programmed to do so. 

There is already a crow drone on the market for public consumption which raises the question again of how long they have been around. 

Additionally, birds are always doing weird unexplainable stuff. In this incident, the bird group flew together and created an image of a bird. It was very meta. Very glitch in the AI. Recently, hundreds of birds dropped dead for seemingly no reason in Mexico. Is it possible the drones flew out of range? 

All things considered, it seems like the early timeframe of the 1960s may be a bit too early for the start of the bird replicant theory but it’s very plausible that by the origins of the theory itself, 2017, there were many if not multitudes of government sponsored bird surveillance drones in the sky for many decades even by the admitted timeframe of the existence of mini-drone technology. 

So there you have, folks. Birds aren’t real.